


Monster

by WheelsUpIn_Five



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, no comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:06:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22812775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WheelsUpIn_Five/pseuds/WheelsUpIn_Five
Summary: The Doctor tilted his head to get a better look, leaning forwards, his eyes meeting with the monsters’.  Neither of them looked away, unblinking.
Kudos: 10





	Monster

The room was dimly lit, casting shadows over the face of the man in front of him. He couldn’t bring himself to look at him in full lighting, to be eye to eye with a murderer. A man with so many deaths on his hands shouldn’t be walking free and named a hero. There was nothing heroic about it. The trail of destruction that followed him made him known across galaxies—throughout the universe—as the destroyer of worlds, the oncoming storm. 

The Doctor tilted his head to get a better look, leaning forwards, his eyes meeting with the monsters’. His eyes were so much older than his body showed, hollow but not empty, carrying guilt and regret. Neither of them looked away, unblinking. The corners of his mouth were turned down ever so slightly, his hands gripping the cool vanity, bracing himself or holding himself back, the Doctor wasn’t sure. He knew he had to get out before he got pulled into his vacant gaze, but it was near impossible to drag himself from orbit, the gravity drawing him closer. 

People praised him. The soft smiles and messy hair that suck up in odd directions lulled them into a false sense of security, his facade flawlessly hiding the monstrosity behind it. God forbid they found what lay beneath.

The Doctor bowed his head and turned away from him, fighting every fiber in his body which screamed for him to do something,  _ anything _ . He clenched his fists, but his hands still shook. Snapping back around, he drove his fist into the mans’ face, the glass smashing on impact. His perfect image shattered. Rimmed with red, shards fell into the sink and scattered across the floor, still reflecting the same man: the murderer, the monster, the Doctor.

“I had to!” he yelled, his reflection screaming back at him. “What choice did I have?” His voice broke. 

There was only one way to end the war, and he was the only one brave enough to do it. The Time Lords would have gained too much power if he let it continue. The whole universe would have been at stake. At least that’s what he told himself. He’d lost everything but always managed to survive. There wasn’t a single tale in all of time and space of him losing. He was unbeatable. 

Two point four seven  _ billion _ children were on Gallifrey when he destroyed it. He had no intention of surviving, yet here he was. The exception.

Turning the tap, the Doctor held his hand under it, watching the blood disappear down the drain. He closed his eyes, the sounds of war drowning out the sting of water on fresh wounds. Gunfire, bombs, the helpless lost amidst the chaos. The lives of nine billion people hung over his head, and those were just his own. What kind of a man would he be if he forgot?

He splashed water on his face, pulling himself back to reality. Sighing, he dried his hands and face, looking back to his broken image, running his fingers through his hair. It never made it sit any flatter, debatably it made it worse, but it gave him a sense of what he imagined normality to be like. 

He lived by a set of rules. An unordered list he’d hadn’t yet sorted in his head, but he didn’t fool himself. A good man didn’t need rules.

Spending his days searching for distress signals, he knew it wouldn’t make up for what he had done, but he had to keep his promise. To live up to his name—Doctor—never cruel or cowardly.

With a final glance towards the shattered mirror, he left the dim room, walking into brighter light. On Earth, they say it’s bad luck to break a mirror, but that didn’t scare him. He saw it as a challenge, an invitation for something to finally beat him. Maybe then he could just stop winning.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!   
> kudos and comments are always appreciated 
> 
> tumblr: wheelsupin-five


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